Friday’s new moon was a dark one.
Sandwiched between the two most intense memories of my life (death and birth) it was a kind of doorway I had to walk through.
I tracked the fear and traced the source in my body and in my heart. There, at the bottom of it all, in the emptiness we spend our lives trying to avoid, I surrendered.
That was the key that let me through. Surrendering to the nothingness and the everything-ness. Seeing that clearly and being terrified of it, frozen by it, and eventually freed by it.
Freed to fear less. Freed to love bigger. Freed to move forward.
I used to run and hide when the doors appeared, but now when the doors show up, I knock on them.
When they open, I walk through them.
It is a practice, this living fully, this showing up, this rising to the occasion of my life. Every time I wonder if I have enough courage, and every time I find I have enough heart.
Sometimes stretched, often broken in the process, but always enlarged by facing my own humanity and through that experience finding I have more capacity to hold the world’s.
monique minahan 