Maybe you’ve met someone who for no reason seemed extra friendly or gracious towards you. In these instances we sometimes wonder, what’s the catch? What do they want?
I’ve been on both the giving and receiving end of this subtle defensiveness. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, good or bad.
I’m saying I recently noticed this behavior and it made me reflect,
When I act friendly or giving to people who aren’t expecting it, is there an underlying catch? Do I unconsciously want something from them?
The answer is yes. I do want something from them.
I want to connect with them.
However brief or lengthy our interaction, I want it to be real.
However scary or friendly, I want it to be honest.
However emotional or intellectual, I want to hear truth.
However raw or layered, I want to see the beauty of whatever there is to see.
In you. In me. In whoever is in front of me, let me see you.
I’m scared too. Scared of rejection, scared of failure, scared of embarrassment. But I’m doing it anyway.
I’m reaching out to fly or fall because it’s the only thing I can do anymore.
I can’t live carefully and neatly and respectfully and beautifully inauthentically.
I can’t hold in my voice or tears or truths or fears or dreams anymore.
I can only live truly and deeply and honestly and humanly.
I can only keep pushing my edge to see what I’m made of,
I can only keep reconnecting to myself to see what I’m made of.
This is life.
This is my life.
I will not watch it pass me by while I wonder what could be, would have been, if only.
I will not, when I come to die, find I carefully traveled one branch of an almighty tree that had a root system capable of branching out wildly and beautifully, but did not grow out of fear.
We are all capable of outgrowing our fears, our dreams, and our limitations.
Yes, there is a catch.
You have to connect with you.
And then you have to connect with the world, one interaction at a time.